I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
