4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
