Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
