U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
