Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
