the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
