Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
