I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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