the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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