just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
