so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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