My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
