i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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