He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
