So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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