At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
