You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize