Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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