i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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