So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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