I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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