Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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