theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
