I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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