he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
