that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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