I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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