my mouth tastes like poor choices
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
