I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
