I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
