I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
