it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
