8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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