Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
