dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
