my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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