eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
