THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
