He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dignity is for republicans.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize