She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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