We won't sleep together?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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