The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
