god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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