Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
