How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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