Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
