If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
