He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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