All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
