A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He shit in the fireplace
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
