he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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