so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
