Do you still have your period?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
