I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
