I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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