I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
