glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
