My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
too bad you live with your parents still
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
