In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.