I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING