hotel room ftw
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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