I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.