3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.