He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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