that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize