my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
