If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
